heatherkozan's posterous

My life is in disarray

Shaken from both
Inside and outside
I've tried to hide
From myself
From my limited
Responsibilities
The weight of what
I cannot hold onto
Anymore is heavier
Than any weight
I've known before

I have no choice
I have to

Let

It

All

Go

Heather

Heather Kozan

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan

I have been writing. But not sharing it. I tend to get quiet & introspective when I’m working through things in my life. I’ve been writing Morning Pages for most days of the week. I’m growing cynical with the notion of public blogging. It seems EVERYBODY has a blog. I’m just one of those online voices. Just like all the millions of others. It seems rather pointless when that’s taken into account. I don’t believe that my words or opinions are necessarily more important than anyone else’s. Everyone has an opinion, and you know how the saying about that goes! It’s like Brian Regan’s comedic bit about dogs barking¹. He says, “Wouldn’t it be weird if people were like that, for no reason? Like if some guy went out on their porch at three in the mornin’? Nobody knows him. He’s like new to the neighborhood, just goes out there and: ‘HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!’” “Hey, you alright man?” “HEY! HEY! HEY!”  Isn’t that what we’re doing with our blogs, if they aren’t tied to a business we’re promoting?

Sure, I could go on about the same topic I’ve gone on about previously. But I don’t have anything new to say about being one of the millions of unemployed in the U.S. I don’t have any pertinent info to add to the fact that the housing slump is still in effect. In the AZ Republic yesterday they reported that commercial business properties are experiencing higher numbers of vacancies than at any other time.*

I thought about talking about the BP oil disaster. But what can I say that hasn’t been said already? There’s zillions of blogs & anti-BP websites & FB pages that have popped up since that happened. Now everyone speculates on what might happen. We all know it’s unpleasant. I’m glad I don’t live in the region near the Gulf of Mexico. I’m sad I’ll never get to experience that part of the world in its more pristine condition. I mourn the loss of life that's occurring in the ocean. I am concerned for the health & livelihood of anyone who lives near those beaches.

1  

* http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/business/articles/2010/07/18/20100718biz-insider0718jarman.html

Heather Kozan

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan

Why the idea of taking "any job at all" doesn't pan out.

I've applied for jobs of every type. Maid/cleaning work, retail, work with non-profits, delivery driver, at-home customer service, call center customer service, server or cashier at bowling lanes, grocery store clerk, waitress/server jobs, bank teller, office admin., tattoo shop receptionist, movie theaters, hotel work, seasonal jobs (like working for the Phoenix Zoo during  Zoo Lights- which I interviewed for-but got no call back), etc. The idea of taking "any job at all" doesn't pan out. When these employers receive 300-500 applications for a single job opening & over 60% haven't got experience in the field, they choose the people who have the experience. I interviewed for two food service jobs. The overwhelming response is that because I have professional experience, I won't stick around & I'll find a job in my field ASAP. So they won't hire me. You know how it's a "buyers market" for home shoppers? It's an employer's hiring market. They get to choose the best candidates available because there are so many out there. The rest of us who don't quite fit what they're looking for are shut out. I have not heard back from 99.9% of the employers I've put in applications with. When I've searched for even basic jobs like fast food (which I’ve done in the past) I found that those companies were on a hiring freeze. Many people I know tell me their own employers are under a hiring freeze. When a new In-N-Out burger was interviewing last year, they had OVER 12,000 applicants!

Millions of jobs are gone. Read the news headlines & you’ll see that economic experts believe it will only get worse. If people like me, on our last tier of unemployment don't get further assistance, the economy will suffer further. We are spending our money supporting the economy; from groceries, gasoline, to utilities & rent. What will happen to the people who still have jobs when their employers' profit margins drop? We will see even more layoffs & more people who can't find work. Yes, it will increase the deficit, but something has to be done. We need new jobs in arenas that support new opportunities, like green energy. I believe NAFTA took many of our jobs away. If the government starts letting foreigners come over for work visas, isn't that just taking jobs from Americans? How is that logical? The divide between classes continues to grow. When there are more Have-Nots than Haves, there will be worse problems. Civil unrest will grow & I wouldn't be surprised if we end up with another civil war. The recent G20¹ protests, Greece's² protests & France's³ similar protests show that this is not only a problem here. The entire world is having class divide issues.

One more thing: There’s a movement underway to get our troops back home from the current occupation/wars we’re involved in. Where will these vets find work when they return? You think our economy is troubled now? Wait until that happens. We’ll have an instantaneously higher unemployment rate. I’d like to welcome them back home; but what kind of home is it they’ll come back to?

Sources:

1-http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/27/g-20-protests-police-arrests_n_627051.html

2-http://abcnews.go.com/WN/greeks-streets-violent-protests-economic-problems/story?id=10567233

3- http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=116740&sectionid=351020603

Additional stats on unemployed:
http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1643/recession-reactions-at-30-months-extensive-job-loss-new-frugality-lower-expectations

http://womensvoicesforchange.org/unemployed-over-50-a-view-from-the-ground.htm

http://thehill.com/blogs/on-the-money/801-economy/107177-some-groups-hit-hard...

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan

Abandoned Homes

Today I walked outside to find another unit in my townhome complex was likely abandoned. Why else would I see an entire set of furniture & miscellaneous household items in/near the trash dumpster I use? Things like soap, kitchen items, even toilet paper were thrown away. Someone either got evicted, had to move quickly, or lost their home to foreclosure & ran out of time to pack. The first time I saw this happen was two years ago. It was my next door neighbor, who had recently gotten married. I saw them loading things onto a hitched trailer to the back of the truck. I sensed that they were not coming back. I was right. They didn’t take everything with them. A few months after that, I saw a Foreclosure notice taped to their front door. And a few months later, some cleaning crew came in & finished pulling out the rest of the former neighbors personal belongings. I managed to score a set of matching wrought iron candlesticks, which match other furniture I own. The clean-up crew said I was welcome to them. I knew the guy had similar taste in décor because he’d shown me what he’d done as far as decorating once. We didn’t know each other very well. He’d helped me move a couch into my house once. That was very nice of him. Too bad things didn’t work out for them.

Seeing an obviously similar circumstance two years later proves to me that the economy has not gotten better. Not that I needed that as further proof. I didn’t. I only hope I don’t find myself in the lurch. I don’t want to be forced to evacuate my home: without time to sort things or move furniture to a proper storage place. I really need to start packing & getting rid of items. I am six months behind on my mortgage. Oh, wait. Correction: it’s technically 7 months today! So far all I’ve heard from the lender is that I should let them know when I start receiving income again. I tried to get my loan negotiated. Federal rules from HUD require that I have proof of 12 months’ unemployment for them to work with me. I don’t have that. I have a letter stating that my unemployment will run out in August. I’ve got mere weeks left. It seems that the inevitable will no longer be looming in the far future. It’s right around the corner. I will likely donate items back to Goodwill or Savers. Many of the items I’ve purchased for use in my home were bought there. My former neighbor on the opposite side of my unit stayed there as long as she could. Until the water and electricity were cut off. She ran into unfortunate circumstances that led to that. I have somewhere to go that won’t require me to relocate to another city or state, thankfully. I wonder as I see this new discard pile today, where did these people go? Did they have anyone to help them? Or did they have to leave without knowing where they were going to go? I’ll never know.

Heather

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan

http://www.examiner.com/x-53722-Mesa-Astrology-Examiner

What it feels like to be a Have-Not

I’ve been virtually unemployed for over one and a half years. I found two jobs as an independent contractor. They pay very little & I don’t get much work from either agency. It’s never enough to cover much: some food & items like laundry detergent or cat food. That’s all I’ve had luck finding as far as income goes. It’s disturbing to think that I’m just one of millions in the same position. I’ve just read several first-hand accounts like mine, but worse. These people have lost homes, cars, and the hope for a better life. Some have resorted to living in their cars, or worse, in tents. I don’t want to go down that same road. My unemployment will run out at the end of August. That’s the final Tier IV. I’ll only get that money if the U.S. government decides to vote for it. So far that hasn’t happened. I don’t even know if I’ll get an unemployment payment this week because it’s been three weeks since they put off the vote on the topic.

Meanwhile, friends & family go about their lives. They plan & take vacations. They go out to dinner or to the movies regularly. Some have been able to buy homes in this economy, which surprises me. I feel like I live in a different world. They don’t have to worry about selling their furniture when they can no longer stay in the home they haven’t been able to pay for. They don’t understand why I haven’t found work. I don’t either. Now I find myself worrying that I won’t have money to buy cat food when my unemployment is gone. I’m thankful that I haven’t got chronic illness, like some of the people I read about. I worry about putting strain on my family & friends, as my situation worsens. I feel like I’m putting a burden on others when I tell them about how difficult things are. No one wants to hear it either. It’s easier to go about your life ignorantly, not thinking about how good you’ve got it. If you’ve got a job & aren’t worried about affording food or housing, appreciate what you’ve got. There are thousands of us fellow citizens out there who wish they had what you’ve got!

p.s. The page isn't loading right now. Maybe too many people are trying to read the stories? They should be reading them to understand how awful things are getting.

Heather

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan

Friends of Sharron Angle                                                                                                                              June 22, 2010

PO Box 33058

Reno, NV 89533

This letter is in response to the recent interview in which Sharron Angle called unemployed ‘Spoiled,’ and said Senators are ‘not in business of creating jobs.’ *

Then you turned around & blamed the current Senator for the jobless rate in Nevada! This is a plain case of the pot calling the kettle black- only you are not a Senator!

Excerpt:

"Yet despite her claim that a senator’s job is not to bring jobs to the state, Angle attacked Reid specifically for not bringing jobs to Nevada. From an interview with Human Events this week:

    HUMAN EVENTS: What are the three reasons why Harry Reid needs to go come November?

    ANGLE: Fourteen percent unemployment in the state of Nevada, the highest foreclosure rate in the nation in Nevada, and the highest rate of bankruptcy in Nevada. That is where people have really held Harry Reid accountable because Harry Reid doesn’t care about their jobs. He doesn’t care that they are having trouble staying in their homes and that’s why Harry Reid needs to be fired."

You, Sharron, are sorely out of touch with the American public & specifically the unemployed.

If I could get hired, or even called in for an interview for one of those jobs you said we're too lazy to take, I would! Earlier today I finally got a promising job lead from a friend. As soon as I'd applied I received a message saying the job was "no longer available!" It's been SEVENTEEN freaking months since my layoff. I have been unsuccessful in finding even a part-time minimum wage job. Meanwhile, our government handed out BILLIONS of dollars to keep banks afloat. That happened because of lax regulations. The same is true about the current oil industry debacle. Our government officials- who WE ELECTED- sold the American citizens out by allowing corporations to hire overseas employees for mere pennies on the dollar. I’m sorry, but our elected officials do have a responsibility to the people who put them into their high-power positions!  You can't say we're "spoiled" when they took everything from us. They –and YOU- owe us more than excuses & blame!!

Meanwhile I continue to receive collection calls every day. I'm 6 month's delinquent on my mortgage. I have a friend who's asking me to move in with her to help her with her bills. I can't afford to pay decent rent! I will only have $300 extra after I leave my townhome (what I now pay in HOA fees & utilities). I will probably have to pay storage rental fees to hold my larger furniture items. I'm on the third tier of unemployment. There's only one more left. I'll have to apply for that in July. If I'm denied for any reason, that's it. I won't have any steady income. If for some Godforsaken reason I am unable to find employment before that final tier runs out, then I’ll be left without a paddle to help me go up this shit creek!

How is it that I'm spoiled?! I didn't ask for this to happen to me. I never said I'd be happy to sit around collecting tax payer money. I essentially feel worthless now because of this situation. A majority of my friends & family are taking vacations. I can't afford to go on vacation. I'm lucky food is relatively inexpensive. I'm grateful that my mom has been able to help me guy gas. She's been sending me home with food she’s purchased also.

Earlier this year I helped a neighbor whose home had foreclosed. She had to move in with a relative in another state. She couldn’t take her cat with her. I took her cat in so she wouldn’t lose him. Her daughter, who lives in the state, lost her home to foreclosure a few months later. They (she and her new husband) lost their home because of the subprime mortgage scandal. They got suckered into signing documents on a loan they simply could not afford. My other neighbors, on the opposite side of my unit, abandoned their home about 6 months before I was laid off. There are a handful of other abandoned (foreclosed or bank-owned homes) in my little townhome complex. People are suffering here. We’re running out of options. So don’t call us “spoiled!!”

 A concerned, unemployed American constituent

Heather Kozan

Mesa, Arizona

*Source: ThinkProgress.com- http://thinkprogress.org/?p=103808

Heather Kozan

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan

Television

Preface: This is almost a response to a fellow 300 Words blogger's post, made by Wendy Coneybeer.

I have been without network television in my own home for about three months. I will watch video clips of pre-recorded shows occasionally. I recently tuned into the Bonaroo Festival for a live feed. I shut it off after Rise Against finished their set & during Dave Matthews Band singing a song I'd never heard & didn't like. I have been helping friends by taking care of their special needs dog (she has severe food allergies and has gone blind) for a few days. They have an enormous flat screen TV. He's a gamer. He's also got surround sound set up. I brought some DVD's over to view but I find myself flipping through various network listings. I've seen some great shows I might not have seen otherwise.

There are times when I will tune into the radio or play CD's or my iPod. I try to avoid watching video or listening to audio on the computer if I have the music playing. I enjoy some radio talk shows as well. Those shows often make good background noise while I check e-mails, read posts on various networking sites, etc. They entertain my brain while I look at what has now become a main source of entertainment for me. I do like to go see movies in the movie theaters. If I go in the daytime I can save $ on admission. Or I'll use my student ID. I've enjoyed the shows I've seen these last few days. But I don't expect to miss it much. I will likely sell my TV when I move & get a more sleek flat screen when I can. There might be something brand new out by the time I get the money for one. What about those transparent flat screens we've seen in movies. More than a mere teleprompter, these prototypes do exist.

This is really like the first big screen tv's. It's a projection system. But it's close to what might be up next!

http://www.gizmag.com/go/3271/4

Social Responsibility in Advertisements

I haven't been able to watch broadcast television much in the last 3-4 months. Today I've had the chance to see several television ads. I have to wonder, are these companies deliberately using wildlife, sea creatures, and Louisiana on purpose? If so, I don't think they should be using these associations to get us spend money on their products. It seems sacrilegious, not unlike post 9-11 where we had movies, television shows & even ads edited or removed from circulation. The same respect for the mass bombardment of symbolic imagery of what we are losing (& in this case, ultimately destroying) should come into play. We can only take so much. It is not ethical for a corporation to try to use our emotions in this manner. They prey on our sense of pity, shame, guilt & sense of utter uselessness in the situation to garner a profit. It's the ultimate form of marketing manipulation, for all the wrong reasons.

These reasons are the very same that got us here: greed, disregard for sanity, any sense of security, etc. Why has this twisted manner to approach people, in general, gotten to this perverse not-so-subtle level? It boggles the mind! Do you advertising groups & companies really think this is okay? It's not. If you agree with me, please do something to stop it. Send a letter to local broadcasters, or perhaps to the FCC. This is a highly sensitive issue, the likes of which we've never witnessed. This should be handled more sensitively. At least for anyone who has a degree of intelligence and understands this is going to change everyone's lives. The already over-fished seas will not recover from this easily, if at all. The way of life for humans & an entire unique set of Northern American species are at risk of extinction.

Heather Kozan

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan

Shoes

I have too many shoes. Not unlike my issue with clothing. I recently got rid of several pair. It was a necessity. My shoes line not only the floor of my closet; they also line about 3 feet on either side of my bed. Being a woman, I have shoes for different occasions: high heels, boots, sandals, hiking boots, casual work shoes, flip flops, even mules (which are slide-on closed-toe shoes). I even have a pair of snow boots, which I’ve worn with a Halloween costume. I’ve never worn them in snow. I live in Southern Arizona. We don’t get snow often. I recently purchased a pair of those Sketcher Shape-Ups. I used them faithfully for awhile. They really do make your legs work differently than if you wore regular sneakers.

My obsession (or collection) of shoes began when I was in high school. I had to go out & buy a pair of red Chuck Taylors because they were sooo popular! I begged my dad for extra allowance money (I didn’t have a job yet) so I could get my own pair. I got them. And I hated them. They made me look like I was wearing clown shoes! For whatever reason, that little rubberized piece on the toe extended further than my actual toes. It would cause me to trip over my own feet. I got rid of them swiftly & felt disappointed. I was suckered by a stupid trend. To this day I can’t wear Chuck Taylors. I have a pair of Flurt canvas shoes which fit better. I had a pair of canvas Airwalk skate shoes years ago (when I was still in h.s.) that didn’t have that issue either. I learned a lesson with those red shoes. Don’t follow a trend if it doesn’t work for you. You might end up feeling like a clown later!

http://twtbizcard.com/Heather_Kozan